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Monday, January 10, 2011

There's a snake in my boot!!!

Poop.

Stop reading now or forever hold your peace.

Incident #1- This was the least offending of all incidents (because it didn't involve me directly). I will spare the details and let you know that this involved a little 6 year old relative, a Chick-Fil-A bathroom, and the dreaded diarrhea. He missed. I was so grateful that I was not his mother.

Incident #2- This was the second least offensive incident of the weekend. (Did I mention that all of these things happened in one weekend? This last weekend to be exact.) Annie is attracted to toilets like a moth to a flame. She played in my Aunt's (this was directly following "Incident #1). Bad news. Another dear child had just used the toilet and didn't flush. I counted my lucky stars that it was only pee pee.

Incident #3- Saturday afternoon I'm visiting with the grandparents and some great uncles and aunt. I hear a tiny little voice that says, "Mommy, I need help..." I go to the bathroom and find my son, poor soul, naked from the waist down except for some socks smeared with something.... unmentionable... He had had an accident and tried to clean it up by himself. William. Love him dearly. We went home with Will wrapped up snug in an old green towel.

Incident #4- My headstone almost read, "May she rest in peace." Remember how much Annie loves toilets? Well she loved them again. A clogged one. In our basement. And Dallas thought it was chocolate on her shirt. Oh dear. Help me Rhonda!!!

Incident #5- (I know what you're thinking! How could there possibly be any more?!) We are at the grandparents again, saying our goodbyes to Grandpa in the back room when I hear my sweet son, voice gentle as a lark, "Mom, there's a little bit of poop in my boot." Certainly this can't be true?! Poop? In a boot? Oh, it's true!!!! It rolled, stealthily, out of the unders, down the pant leg, and into his brand new cowboy boot.

Let us never speak of this again.

11 comments:

Ty and Mari said...

what a "crappy" weekend. I just think "crappy" stuff happens like this to most moms and well, it's just "crappy!

Something to embarrass the kids about later right?

Tracie said...

This made me laugh sooo hard. I'm so sorry however and am slightly shocked this all happened in one week! Talk about crappy luck for sure. So glad you wrote about it and someday you can have a great time embarrassing your kids when they are teenagers. :)

Joy Boaz said...

I am rolling on the floor laughing! Why is poop funny? So gross and so sorry you had to clean it up and deal with it. There is nothing worse!! May you have a week free of poop accidents. :)

Jenn said...

Oh dear. I am glad that the mother of the 6 year old in Chick-fil-a was there and you weren't babysitting. :) I don't think your husband would have been able to cope.

Erin said...

That is a whole lot of poop for one week! You are a better woman than I am to deal with all of that.

Amber said...

You wrote that so hilariously, Amy, and yet I know and understand your pain. Experiences like that make me wonder why I choose to be a mommy. It's a dirty job, for sure. Someday we will have children who deal with their own bathroom issues - thank goodness.

Love you, Amylee. You're so funny.

k.k. chamberlain said...

I just got tears of laughter in my eyes. And you were so right...I really was thinking the third incident was the end, but it just kept comin'!!

Heidi said...

Oh dear! That was quite the eventful weekend. Hope it doesn't happen again.

marciea casselman said...

I think that Will saying there is poop in my boot is more exciting than Woody saying 'there's a snake in my boot.'
Some weekends are like that....

katie said...

There is a smile across my face. My favorite was the last "incident." I love Will, and can totally imagine his gentle as a lark voice.

angied said...

hahahaha oh my gosh! this is so funny!! #5 is the best! i will laugh about that for a long time.